i miss my people

i was out doing some running today, and for some reason i had many thoughts of special people in my life that are no longer here. aaron had run into my aunt today and talked about my uncle that died recently...we also just passed the anniversaries of my dad and both grandmothers deaths...as well as just passing what would have been our due date with thaddeus. it almost leaves me with the feeling like i had when i were little and got lost in a store. it is like these people are to still be here and be the ones that care about you and know you and pray for you...but they aren't here. now, granted, i have many people in my life that do fill those rolls...but there is just never a replacement for those people that are gone either. i wonder what it would be like to have a father as an adult...he died when i was 12. i miss having my grandmothers to go visit and the smell of their house at a sunday lunch or holiday. my heart just hurts so much that by boys never got to meet my grandma mae because i loved her so much...but i am thankful that aaron did and that he loved her as much as me. this year was the year of firsts without my grandma bricker...and the realization that i have NO grandparents anymore. i guess this is when we become the parents and our parents are the grandparents...but when did i get that old?! i am thankful to have a father through aaron and also to still have a set of grandparents on his side. i guess all that to say that you can do one of two things when you feel this way...either become paranoid, scared, and fearful and not leave those you love out of your sight if at all possible (how i lived for many years) OR, trust God with their lives and live a full and fun life with them and make memories all along the way. most importantly is making sure that we show Christs love to them and talk about them being in Heaven with you. there is a peace even when they are gone to know that you WILL be with them again. but i still miss them a lot right now